So tomorrow we visit the bank
Proposals need to be written by the end of the week
And still no decision on the business model
I never appreciated how the cart waltzes with the horse at times like this – business plans are being written but the business partner is not yet decided – carrying on regardless 🙂
My cunning plan for World domination takes a step closer – meetings arranged, feelers put out, counsel taken …hmm its looking good so far!
On top of everything else it looks like I might now be staring down the barrel of a redundancy shotgun.
Ho hum – these things are sent to try us!
Here are a few Oxford Dictionary Definitions to start us off:
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure
1 [mass noun] severe, typically prolonged, feelings of despondency and dejection.
Medicinea mental condition characterized by severe feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy, typically accompanied by a lack of energy and interest in life:she suffered from clinical depression
excessively preoccupied with one’s own life and circumstances; thinking only about oneself:even self-obsessed pop stars don’t want the rumour mill to overshadow their music
I need to declare at the outset that my experience of depression is limited to my own illness – I have not been a carer and have not observed depression or mental illness over many years and with many different sufferers.
The advice & guidance that I have received as a sufferer myself is that every case of depression is unique – there can be no “one size fits all” categorisation and therefore generalisations are perhaps dangerous.
Dictionary definitions exist to describe the condition as a whole (as above) but this should not be taken to mean that all sufferers have the same attitude or behaviour.
It might nevertheless be true that due to the general feelings of despondency and dejection the sufferer becomes more inward looking and more focussed on self-preservation but does this represent selfishness on their part or is it more in the line of necessary self-obsession? There will be causes behind a sufferer’s condition which will require addressing – changes may be necessary in their working lives or at home or in their leisure time.
Dealing with depression places great strain not only on the sufferer but on those around them and particularly those close to them – I know that in my case my wife has kept her counsel until very recently when she conceded that I am no longer the person she knew before & she wants that man back.
It is hard to hear that you have changed even though the observation is clearly rational and well made – on reflection I have changed …I am much more distant and I am difficult at times and I put on a front when we meet friends and relations so that on the whole only she has to deal with my problems.
I have lashed out in writing as can be observed in previous blogs but this was surely not an act of selfishness – it was more by the way of seeking answers & reasons for the actions of others that were incomprehensible to me at the time. Yes my reaction was over the top and uncharacteristically spiteful but it was a reaction not an unprovoked & selfish act.
Maybe I’m being pedantic in drawing a distinction between selfishness & self-obsession or maybe I’m just plain wrong – like I said my experience of these things is limited.
I recently blogged about how one person can erase another from their life by severing connections on social media.
Curiously I have now followed up that action by erasing myself – withdrawing from Twitter and Facebook leaving my only channel this here blog …maybe it’s time to stop that too.
Viewings have dropped off almost entirely – perhaps due to the over emphasis on navel gazing and the morose nature of recent posts.
So if anyone is out there – I did have more to say but it seems I’m running out of time so I might not get round to it.
Today whilst watching Toy Story for the umpteanth time I realised that – like Buzz – I can’t fly!
Are there any positive aspects when you are suffering from depression?
I believe there may be so I’ll jot down some thoughts:
I am enjoying the novelty of the fact that my trousers are falling down through weight loss – I’m sure that the novelty will wear off or else result in social embarrassment (whoops there go my bloomers!)
I’m loving the fact that I can now run a finger round the inside of the collar of my work shirts.
I am liking that one of my double-chins seems smaller (do mirrors lie?)
I’m relieved that I am no longer out of breath when I’ve climbed a flight of stairs.
It’s great that I can run 5,000 metres (ok with a few breaks for walking) and that my recovery time is relatively short.
I feel better for alcoholic abstinence but this is a tricky one because although I have been largely off alcohol for 8 weeks or so I do still like it – I like the taste and I like the effects but right now I suffer repercussions if I drift away from the path of sobriety as it clashes horribly with my medication and sets me back even when I partake in moderation. So I like the benefits of not drinking but I do miss it too.
I have enjoyed spending time alone with my thoughts, writing and doing constructive things with my hands.
So on the whole there is an up-side to depression although I wouldn’t recommend it as a dietary aid!