I’m warm as toast
Now the toast’s gone cold

I’m freshly scented
Like the cheese with the mould

I’m cool & I am smooth
Like a soundly beaten egg

I’m master of this household
But I ain’t too proud to beg

I’m always fun to be with
Like an irritable bowel

I’m always well prepared
Like bloody Baden-Powell

I’m a true romantic
Like a female praying mantis

I’m softly spoken
Like a case of laryngitis

I’m Mr Impulsive
Like the accountant that I am

I’m the World’s greatest lover
If you’ll provide a diagram

I’m the one-and-only
And you’re my only one

I’m the ugly duck my love
That was once your swan


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